G'bye Accutane!

I'm officially done Accutane! It feels really weird. I'm so used to taking those two little pills everyday with dinner and I keep feeling like I'm forgetting something. But I'm not!

Naturally, my biggest fear is that the bumps will return in the coming weeks or months. But all I can do is cross my fingers and hope for the best! My skin is virtually perfect; I do have some really faint bumps (you cant see them, but I know they're there) along my jawline, but I think they're just leftover scars from before. Also my derm said most people's skin continues to improve in the 6 months after they finish. I'm happy right now because its the week before my period - the moment of truth - and all I have is a tiny little bump under my chin. No breakouts, no huge monster(s) on my cheek! It feels great.

I finished about 5 days ago and my lips are still super dry. My back and legs still feel sore/stiff when I've been sitting down for a long time, but I've stepped up my exercise routine for the last 2 months so its a blurry line.

Oh! i forgot one thing. In the last two months of my treatment, I became very concerned about my hair. I have locs so the idea of my hair thinning or falling out seemed odd...How could even tell if that was happening unless entire locs fell out of my head? Well, I am convinced that my edges have thinned out quite a bit. I've kind of been obsessing over it so it's probably not as bad as I think it is, but it's true. The roots of some of my locs, in the front near my edges, seem thinner (there is one in particular I was so scared would fall out!) but I've also been twisting the front more often after I exercise...so...who knows. Also, my hair has been super dry, but that's pretty normal since it's freezing cold out. The worst part was that my scalp HURT from the dryness. I won't miss that.

So they say it takes 10 days for the medicine to leave your system. I skipped my last derm appt cause i realized...why am i paying this dumbass a $30 co-pay to have you take a pregnancy test and send me on my way? i know im not preggers and since I had no prescription to pick up, I canceled it. Its really over!

So, I plan to stick with my regular routine. Ive actually been using the cetaphil moisturizing cream (as opposed to olay lotion) more during the day cause my skin's been so dry and ashy (but not peeling or scaly or anything...its nice to be able to use cream on my face after all those years of horrible oiliness!). People say some of the oiliness does come back after a few weeks/months, so im thinking once it starts getting warmer I may have to add something to my regimen - witch hazel as an astringent, or something subtle like that.

Looking back at my old pics is surreal...I cant believe how bad it was :( But now I can say...i love my skin! I'll check back for some post-Accutane updates in the coming months :)

I suck...Week 17

To anyone who may ever read this...I am SO sorry. I did exactly what I hated about other Accutane journals...people document the first few weeks and then disappear for the rest of their treatment and then voila! They miraculously return and have clear skin. Of course most people want to see just how bad other peoples' IB is, but its also nice to see how and when the IB calms down. So...I failed you. Again, my apologies. I'll just have to tell you how things have been because I haven't taken one photo since my last post :(

My last post marked my last real breakout. I continued to have some bumps here and there throughout, say, week 12 but my skin in general was INSANELY smooth. so smooth that sometimes when i washed my face i couldn't tell if I had gotten all the soap off! Since around week 14 my skin has been next to perfect. I've had one pimple here or there, mainly small cysts or blackheads, that heal in 2-3 days. But seriously, NOTHING compared to before. For example, I had one bump on my forehead last week that I couldn't stop looking at in the mirror...but then I had to stop and remind myself "bitch you have ONE pimple! suck it up!!!" At this very moment, I am so happy to say I have ZERO pimples on my face! So, I am very happy with the condition of my skin! One bad thing I can say is that I continue to have a good amount of hypopigmentation (light spots) on my cheeks from the IB, but I'm confident it will even out over time.

As far as symptoms, my lips are still dry. Aquaphor still works. Its not as bad as long as I'm drinking 8 glasses of water a day. Now that the temp is dropping and the air is getting drier, my lips and skin is getting much drier too, although its hard to tell how much is connected to the medicine and how much is just winter skin. Either way, I've switched from Aveeno moisturizing lotion (my spring/summer lotion) to Palmers cocoa butter lotion mixed with Oyin Handmade Whipped Pudding (a shea butter-based cream...I love it!). I also discovered that Cetaphil mositurizing cream makes a fabulous moisturizer for the entire body! I plan to make my own afterbath moisturzier by mixing it with some shea butter and lavender oil, but haven't gotten around to it.

I've continued to have body aches, which actually may have gotten worse but its hard to tell. They're actually pretty significant but I've gotten used to it for the most part. I get stiff very easily if I sit or stand still for more than like 10 mins, especially my hips, back, and feet. In the last week or two my chest bone (sternum?) is stiff and hurts when I sneeze. weird.

Probably my biggest worry right now is my hair. We all know that Accutane CAN cause hair thinning and loss for some people. I have locs so I can't imagine even being able to notice thinning, unless entire dreads fell out, which is unlikely. But my scalp has gotten very dry and itchy especially along my front edges. and it hurts! the other day my edges hurt so bad that I had to loosen my ponytail alot. The past day or so I've also been feeling like my hairline looks different...and am extremely scared and paranoid that my edges are thinning and receding! Im not even sure what to do, but my plan is to moisturize like CRAZY! I'll be spending more time oiling my scalp and locs, doing deep conditioning hair treatments, and not pulling my locs back tight. Of course with locs you have to be careful about products that cause build-up, so I'll have to be careful with my products. I would seriously be so upset and salty if my hair line started creeping back! But, only have about 2 1/2 months left on this medication, so as long as I can baby my hair until I'm done, I should be good...

Week 8

In a way I have really gotten used to being on Accutane and therefore pay much less attention to the state of my face from day to day. At the same time, it's breaking out less and getting smoother everyday, so there is less to worry about. Even though I broke out some today, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Changes to my skin
A few days ago I had a breakout that was definitely due to my period. I got one ginormous pustule on my left cheek that was really a combination of like 2 or 3 pustules sitting right next to eachother (I should've taken a pic but I didn't). It was huge and ugly. Also on my left cheek were two smaller whiteheads that you could barely see, and a few small whiteheads on my right jawline. But that was it. Aside from the monster, the rest were so much smaller than breakouts past and that really made me feel optimistic. The rest of my face was clear and smooth. Those blemishes started to heal within 2 days and now are scabbing over and subsiding. Today I broke out some - a few small blemishes on my left cheek and chin (my left cheek is being very stubborn!) My hope is that this is near the end for what seems like weekly breakouts and I start to see really consistent improvements.

Side effects
Aches and Pains
By far the biggest side effect lately has been back aches. My lower back is sore all the time. Still haven't had to take pain killers for it, but it's definitely noticeable. I am also very stiff and sore in my joints - my hips, my knees, and my ankles. But, I'm still training for this 5k in October and running 3 miles 2 or 3 times a week can definitely be to blame for at least some of the soreness.

Dry Lips
Still. duh. Aquaphor.

That's about it. Just waiting to see permanent results. I am going to a wedding in a week and wouldn't it be great if my skin was lookin all radiant and fabulous when I see my family again??

These pics are a bit blurry but I couldn't get my camera to do much better.

Week 7

This week I'm only posting pics cause I haven't had the time to write a full post. But let's be real - the pics are the best part, right? Things are looking up and progress is being made. A lot of what you see is light and dark spots, not active pimples.

Week 6...Light at the end of the Tunnel?

Things are looking up. It's the middle of week 6 and not only has my skin been better all week than since before I started accutane, but I've stopped focusing on it so much cause really, what's another breakout?

Changes to my Skin
The first few days of my new dosage was rough. My skin broke out about 2 or 3 days into the new dosage, and my left cheek was covered with small pustules. But it only lasted about 2-3 days and is still soft and smooth in the non-broken out places. I'm starting to notice ALOT of hyperpigmentation on my cheeks from all the breakouts over the last few weeks, but instead of being dark spots, they're lighter. Interesting, I've never had that before...pretty easy to cover up with foundation but I wonder what will happen with those spots long term...will they turn darker over time? Will they blend with my natural skin color? I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Side Effects
Depression
After the first 3 days of my new dose, I was really depressed for a day or two. One evening, I literally started crying on the phone to a friend about nothing. I was devestated...about nothing at all. At the time, I felt overwhelmed by all the medications I have to take throughout the day (antibiotic with breakfast, Acc at lunch and dinner, birth control before bed) and frustrated that I was continuing to break out. At the same time, I was fully conscious of the fact that I WASN'T really that upset about those things...it was weird. But I just let it out and rested and haven't felt bad since. It doesn't feel like it will be a regular thing.

Nausea
For the first few days, I was nauseous, like, alot. I dont know if it was the do with the accutane dosage or the antibiotic, but it was annoying. it's stopped.

Dry Lips
Okay...my lips have reached a whole new level of dry and crusty. I have been putting Aquaphor on every 10 minutes. If I don't there will be hell to pay. I haven't had any cracking and bleeding, but the corners of my mouth are just...crusty. Aquaphor is my bff.

Sensitive/Dry Skin
My skin has gotten so sensitive, all over my body. I have random cuts and scrapes on my arms and legs that came from...lawd knows where! It seems that a simple scratch or brush-up against something results in broken skin, and I don't notice until it's a scab. Also, I did that thing to my other ear where I rubbed too hard and caused a rug burn...OUCH. My skin is REALLY sensitive and I probably have to face the fact that there is some level of bruising that I'm going to have to deal with. I'm definitely trying to be careful with myself. My skin is also dry, nothing major but it's acting like it's winter even though its August in Atlanta! I use cream every morning and night, which is usually unheard of at this time of year, but it's making my skin SUPER soft and amazing!

Body Aches
My back is still significantly sore, but now my joints hurt too. Mainly my hips and knees. My posture is awful, you can find my hunched over in the corner looking crazy. It doesn't help that I recently started training for a 5k, so after I run it's particularly bad. Nothing I can't deal with - sometimes I look like an old lady hob-nobbin down the street - but I haven't taken any painkillers.

I would just like to take a moment to big-up the products I have been using, cause I really love them. #1 on my list is Cetaphil Moisturizing Cream. I actually got the name brand so I can't speak on the generics. But, I use it at night on my face and all over my body night and day. My skin...is so...soft! It's like chocolate-brown silk. It would normally be way too heavy for the summer, but probably perfect for winter skin. I highly recommend it. Also, Olay Complete Moisturizer with SPF 15 for Sensitive Skin is the truth. I use it during the day and it's not greasy like a lot of other moisturizers with SPF. It's light and creamy and I really like it. I always associated Olay with old ladies and wrinkle remedies, but this one is perfect for me. And clearly, Aquaphor is the best thing since sliced bread. I may just use it forever, albeit less often after this treatment is over.

Here are some photos. The blemishes on my cheeks aren't quite as bad as they look in this photo, the lighting is pretty un-flattering. But everything you see is in its healing phase. The last photo shows the remaining flakiness on my nose.






And these are my dry ass lips after not using Aquaphor for about 30 mins! unbelievable!



UPDATE: I took a few pics midweek cause I started to break out BAD. It wasn't as bad as my WBB phase during the first month, but I definitely had several gross looking pustules.

Week 5...Bring it On!

My skin is still a roller coaster with new things happening every few days. Earlier this week, my skin was clearer than it has been since before I started Accutane - I only had a few small bumps along my jawline and most of the flakiness was gone. My skin was smooth and normal (as opposed to being oily) and I started feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, confident that everything would just get better and better from here on out. Well, today I broke out again. My left cheek is covered with about a dozen small bumps and the two medium-sized bumps on my right cheek got bigger over night. But, I am noticing that these bumps are smaller (yet still whiteheads/pustules) than before and my skin is otherwise not at all oily and actually very soft. Also, with the exception of a very small area on the corner of my nose, much of the flakiness is gone and those areas are especially soft...I guess all the dried oil finally pushed itself out in those places. Still some flakiness on my cheeks, but at least things are working. I guess this is why people have such a hard time with Accutane - every time you think the breakouts are over, they come right back.

So, yesterday I went back to my dermatologist for my 2nd month prescription. I have to say, my Derm is an arrogant prick. He insists that he was one of the 1st and only Derms prescribing Accutane 20 years ago, and therefore created the shit. He was adamant that I wouldn't have a WBB phase (which, clearly I did) and when I told him about my roller coaster of a 1st month, he said it was highly uncommon for people to break out at the beginning when they start at a lower dose and increase later, and that my case was unusual. UM...huh? Everything that I have EVER heard or read pretty much tells you to brace yourself for the worst breakout of your life regardless of whether you start small; it's a strong medication with serious effects. I get the impression he likes to lie to his (probably mostly teenage) patients so that they stay positive and don't get discouraged and drop the treatment, so he can get whatever little subsidy he probably receives for turning the masses onto this overpriced drug. But why lie to a grown ass woman? Anyway, I couldn't care less - I am well-educated about this entire process and really only need him to sign the prescription slip, okaaay?

So during my visit, they did a urine pregnancy test (negative) and did blood work (called me today to let me know everything is fine). We talked about my skin and he increased my dose from 40mg to 80mg, which is a full dose for my weight. I also told him that I've not only been breaking out, but the large majority of my pimples are large, inflamed pustules. So he also prescribed me an antibiotic that I will take for the entire 2nd month to suppress the bacteria and prevent so many pimples during the WBB phase. I wish he had done that from jump, but I understand why he would prefer to wait until patients have issues because over-prescribing antibiotics is actually an issue in this country. Neither iPledge nor my insurance gave me any issues and I filled my prescriptions last night without issues, $15 for the Clarivis and $25 for the antibiotic.

Changes to my Skin
Like I said, my skin is not oily anymore, some flakiness on my cheeks, and small whiteheads along my jawline and cheeks.

Side Effects
Dry Lips
Yep, still dry. Easily controlled with Aquaphor and drinking lots of water. I've started lightly brushing them with my toothbrush in the morning to get rid of any peeling. I expect them to shrivel up like a prune with this increased dose, but we'll see.

Dry/Sensitive Skin
My scalp has still been flaky. I washed my locs last night and my scalp is also sensitive. I have never been "tender-headed" but now I know the feeling. I used leave-in conditioner, which I don't usually do, in addition to some oils and aloe vera gel to moisturize my locs. I plan to oil my scalp every 5 or so days to keep the flakiness at bay. I've noticed my skin is VERY sensitive on other parts of my body. If I scratch somewhere, it is very easy to scratch too hard and break my skin. For example, I have a mild case of eczema in the opening of my ear...I got carried away the other day rubbing my ear lobe and left what looked like a rope burn on my ear...it hurt, scabbed over, and healed very quickly...but still! =/ Same thing with my nose - I got tired of the flakiness and started scratching the flakes off with my fingernail, leaving myself with a scabbed over bruise the next day! I really have to be more careful with myself.

Backache
This just started two days ago. My lower back is kinda killing me. I hesitate to say "killing" cause it's not thaaat severe, but it is very sore. At first it was only at night and I had to curl in fetal position for a few minutes until it went away. But yesterday and today, it's been all day. It forces my posture to be even worse than usual and really just doesn't feel good. I hope it doesn't get much worse...

Blurry Vision?
I'm not quite sure whether I have slightly blurry vision when reading or staring too hard at a computer screen. I have fluorescent lighting in my office and sometimes it feels like I have a hard time focusing my eyesight. However, I do stare at a computer screen all day in a tiny office the size of a closet with no windows, so it might just be nature telling me I need some fresh air...but it's something I'm going to watch out for.

That's about it. My camera died this week and it took days for me to remember to get batteries for it so...no photos this week :( I'm sorry, and pretty mad at myself for slippin' but stay tuned for next week :)

Week 4

It's the beginning of week 4 and I'm definitely seeing improvements since last week. I'm still slightly dizzy from the roller coaster ride of last week - I can honestly say that was THE worst breakout of my adult life! I had huge, inflamed pustules on every part of my face. Each day I had new ones and each day old ones healed. I had no idea if or when it would end and, of course, since I was so focused on my skin all week it felt like forever. But, by the end of the week, I stopped getting new huge pustules and could not resist "helping along" the persistent ones I did have by gently popping them. They each scabbed over and seem to be healing - hopefully, they don't result in scarring but honestly I would rather have a few scars that take a few months to diminish rather than huge, infected, ugly pustules everywhere!

So as for this week:
Changes to my Skin
My skin has started to improve. I would say it is similar to right before I started Accutane. I have a few small blemishes on my left cheek, forehead, and along my jawline. One of the huge pustules that was on my right cheek last week is still healing and looks kind of like a flat scabbed-over bump. My skin is also not oily anymore...such a weird feeling! It's 95 degrees everyday and humid, but I don't need to blot my face or get really shiny. I'm still having some flakes on my chin and the corners of my nose, but I'll keep using the scrub once a week and drinking a lot of water has probably helped. I felt so great this weekend hanging out with new friends and being out and about - it was the first time in 2 weeks that I didn't feel totally horrible about my skin!

Side Effects
I haven't experienced many side effects this week.

Dry Lips
My lips are still dry, but not nearly as dry as during past weeks. I can tell that the more water I drink, the less dry they are, so I've been all about my Nalgene bottle every day.

Dry/itchy scalp
My scalp is still mildly dry and itchy, but not as bad as past weeks. My locs also seem a little fuzzier at the root, but that might also be because I've started exercising more regularly. I'm oiling my scalp and hair every few days and it's no biggie.

I'm really happy that most of the side effects have subsided and it seems that (*knock on wood*) the WBB phase is slowing down. My dosage will increase from 40mg to 80 mg next week when I start my second month...I'm nervous about whether I will have another WBB phase with this increase, or if my body is used to the medicine enough to deal with the increase. I've heard that most people have another flare up, but not as bad as the first one...I'm crossing my fingers that it's just up hill from here!